Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
