i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
