I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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