I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this just has baby written all over it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize