I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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