You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize