Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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