Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she looked like the before picture.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
