My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
