if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
