I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT