she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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