I'm jealous of your bromance
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
