im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
