If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
