Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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