when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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