I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
