i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am midnight drunk by noon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
