Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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