Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
