doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
