also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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