i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
