youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
