I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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