I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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