for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
