Are we in a gay sports bar?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
