you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
