I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize