I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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