he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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