i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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