Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think your dad took our porno
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
