You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
