I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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