I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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