dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize