True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
