if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
