Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
