I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
