fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize