fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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