Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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