The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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