i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
