before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
