nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am one with the molecules
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
