Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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