Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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