i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
