i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize