I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize