Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
