So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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