i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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