K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
