Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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