If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
