He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
