i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
