Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
