I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
