he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
