Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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