bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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