I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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